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A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He lowered his altitude and

spotted a fisherman in a boat below. He shouted to him, 'Excuse me, can you

help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know

where I am.'

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, 'You're in a hot air

balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above

sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.9720 minutes north latitude and 100

degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.'

The balloonist rolled his eyes and said, 'You must be a Contracting

Officer.'

'I am,' replied the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically

correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still

lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me.'

The man smiled and responded, 'You must be a Program Manager.'

'I am,' replied the balloonist. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' said the man, 'you don't know where you are or where you're going.

You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made

a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your

problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but,

somehow, now it's my fault.'

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Guest Vern Edwards

A riverboat expedition traveling through dangerous territory found itself at a split in the channel. After consulting with the local guide, the leader of the expedition, who was standing in the stern, told his crew:

"Both channels will take us to our destination. The channel to the right is shorter and faster, but more dangerous because of hostile tribes, and some of us will surely die. The channel to the left is longer, but safe. I say that since I got us off to a late start we should be innovative and daring and take the channel to the right so I can keep my schedule. What do you think?"

One of the crew said: "Why not take the channel to the left? Yes, we'll get to our destination a little late, but we'll all arrive safely."

The leader said: "What's your name crewman?"

The crewman said: "Contracting Officer."

The leader said: "Well mine is Program Manager, and we're going to the right. Now quit whining, get up into the bow, and watch out for spears and arrows."

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Business Develop Capture Manager and Operations Manager went out to a cabin in the woods for a team-building weekend.

After unpacking, they went for a walk in the woods, where they encountered an angry bear, who chased them back to the cabin.

Capture Manager got there first, opened the door, and stepped aside.

Ops Manager went in, followed by the bear, whereupon Capture Manager closed and locked the door, saying, "I got you hooked up with another one. Let me go out now and find the next one for you."

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